invincible

Somehow, along the way, I started to believe that I was invincible. Of course, like everyone else, I am not. But I realise it only now. How megalomaniac do I have to be to fall into this trap? How confident was I really, and how much of my confidence spilled over my skull to fill my terrarium?

In hindsight, I think it was because of having some “achievements” and experiencing difficult situations with no tangible negative outcomes. “Whatever it is, I can manage it” or “it will be fine” were the two guiding mindsets that led to my bloated self-assessment. The bad part is that it was true, and the worse part is that it is still true, the worst, though, is that it was and is sometimes true. With great sometimes comes great uncertainty, and we all know how uncertainty makes me feel. Consequently, I lost my motivation and drive. I do not try anymore, because, deep down, I believe that nothing bad will ever happen.

But I have started to challenge this mindset. Now, I see that I have some shortcomings and things can go awry. I see that I need to actually put some effort into endeavours if I want to succeed¹. I think–hopefully my thoughts also reflect my beliefs–that this is a positive development since I will exercise if I think that I need to exercise. I only fear the possibility that I give up because I don’t know how to fight.