run

When people pretentously say that life is like a marathon and you should not be running as if it is a sprint and you should be smart and conserving your energy until the end and never forget that the course is long and not care about what other people are doing or where you are compared to them, don’t listen.

Life is not a marathon, you train for months or years before even considering taking part in one, preferebly on the same course, over and over until you know like the back of your hand every bump on the road, every turn, every kink that the ideal line makes, every pothole, every crack that you step on, and exactly where they are, every little piece of pebble that might have by some dark witchcraft gotten into your shoes in the past causing you to scream inwards in great pain at every other step because no matter how well of a pair of shoes you get, there is always a hole that these little torture devices can enter through like the product of some demonic curse. So you test yourself time and time again, try everything that might conceivably go wrong, because you can and you should. That’s the way to prepare for a marathon so that when the time has come to perform, you perform. You know exactly what to do when and where. After all, it is just what you’ve been preparing for for the last year. Life, though, is not a marathon.

It may rather be a run that you just happened to feel like taking. You dont know the length, your exhaustion, effects of the elevation changes, whether or not you are going to bump into a celebrity, how much water you will need, whether the road you like to take is still closed… The level of surprise variation—the rate of entropy, to use the technical term—is as high as it could be. Your muscles hurt at the beginning, yes, but you get used to it after the 8th minute and you can not distract your head with your aching legs anymore. You are on your own; alone with the pain in your head, caused by your spiky thoughts, and you have to go on. Such is life.

You invent little games to keep your mind busy: Touch the traffic sign while passing. Jump and see if you can touch that dried leaf up there. Alternate your step size to match the pattern on the sidewalk. Run to the ryhtym of the song that keeps playing in your mind. Think about that person you like and consider calling them just to say that you are thinking about them. Adjust your running style when there are people passing by, correct your posture and spring farther at each step. Run to that tree before the blue car reaches it. Focus on your breath until you get interrupted by another thought. Try running the next block without moving your arms to help you. Make silly gestures at children passing by to make them smile—they seldom do, they are scared more often than not. Count the names of all characters in the Lord of the Rings movies. Have imaginary dialogues with your boss about getting promoted. Do whatever, but keep running. That is how you distract yourself from everything that hurts and everything that yells you to stop. You will cave in only when there is no more games left to play.

You do all that because of the unknowns. You started running all of a sudden, you don’t even know why—although you can totally adopt someone else’s why. Without a given reason, you have no intrinsic drive to continue. Yet, you have momentum, and it is easier to keep the momentum than to stop altogether. Also, since you’ve never been in this part of the town before, who knows what novelties you’re going to see in the next kilometer? It might be the same old stuff just with different colours again, it will probably be that, but the slight chance of surprise can just keep you wondering. Along the way, you will jump some hurdles and run up some hills. A few evil tiny rocks will pierce through your soles. One part you will run along a friend, another with another, and the rest alone maybe. Who knows? Not you, not me.

To continue, you invent little games. In the end, we all run from a home to a different one. Where and how we just don’t know beforehand. For what we all can agree, there is no trying more.

So, just as one would ask you why you are running, and you would have no real answer apart from because you started running half an hour ago; your only valid answer to why you are living is because you started living however many years ago you were born, and you kept on living since then. Though it is a reason—albeit a meaningless one—it leaves a giant void for purpose, and that, you fill temporarily with little games just as if you’re running, to keep going, of course. Believe me, young one, if you think that your life’s purpose is studying cutting-edge particle physics and uncovering the mysteries of the universe, learning to play the harp like a magic high elf from fantasy worlds to produce the most calming tunes ever heard by human ears, or building a home of your own dedicated to be shared with the love of your life, always remember that it is just a game you invented and will probably replace with others at appropriate times. Most importantly, though, keep blame away from your mind—or soul, if you’re inclined that way—when things go south. When, not if. Because things will for sure get bad. Because you’ve not been preparing for this weird journey as if it was a marathon. Because you could not. Because it is not. And if you don’t know what to do next and why, that’s okay. No one knows for sure¹. Maybe you can go for a run to figure something out.